dairy-free carob and chocolate pudding

So what do you do when your husband is avoiding dairy and chocolate upsets your stomach, but you are craving chocolate pudding? Here’s what I made tonight.

2 avocados

1/2 c carob powder

2 T cocoa powder

1/4 c agave syrup

1/4 c coconut milk powder

2-4 T water (as needed)

blend, chill and serve. Delicious with fresh strawberries or raspberries.

Variations:

You can add milk instead of coconut powder and water, but I’d then add it as needed for the right consistency. I find, though, that the taste of coconut is especially scrumptious! Coconut milk also works well (and I bet coconut cream would be fabulously decadent), but coconut milk powder is easy to keep in the pantry. I get mine from the nearest middle eastern grocery store.

You can play around with the sweetness level, or use honey or maple syrup instead of agave. I find both maple syrup and honey to have strong flavors, so taste as you go. A mix of stevia and syrup also works well. I find that stevia alone just isn’t as yummy, but a small amount of syrup fixes that. Somehow it ties the flavors together.

The small amount of chocolate fools taste buds into thinking that the carob is chocolate too. But if you can’t take any chocolate, carob alone also makes a delicious dessert (and chocolate alone is especially yummy). Make sure you adjust the sugar content accordingly because carob is sweeter than chocolate. Also, chocolate has more taste bud ooomph than carob, so you’ll probably need about a cup total of carob. If you go the chocolate only route, start with 1/2 a cup and go from there.

Blending in some nut butter is also terrific. Adjust to taste. I personally consider pre-tasting desserts to be one of the perks of cooking.

At Our Age

“Well, at our age it’s inevitable to gain weight.”

“Well, at our age certain clothes just don’t look as good.”

“Well, at our age you have to expect a loss of interest in sex.”

“Well, at our age we don’t have the energy we used to have.”

And on it goes.

I find it really interesting that so many people utter sentences that start with “Well, at our age . . .” and end with some kind of lowered expectation. Here are some of the ways I’ve heard this used.

1) As an explanation for troubling changes.

Well, I’ve certainly noticed that my skin is less firm and that my ability to tolerate putting junk into my body has decreased. It seems pretty clear that this is a result of age. But is this causal connection necessary? Here are two reasons to think not:

A) I went on an all-inclusive vacation a few years ago to the Dominican Republic. The resort was lovely and all of our needs were amply met. I can’t remember when I felt so relaxed. The amazing thing was that I was able to do things I had previously believed were impossible due to my age. I stayed out all night dancing, got an hour or two of sleep a night, and had an alcoholic beverage in my hand at nearly all times. But I felt absolutely fine. In fact, I felt great! Prior to that vacation I believed and probably said at some point, “At my age I simply can’t party the way I did in my 20s. It just makes me feel exhausted.” This made me wonder how much of what has changed in my body is caused by age and how much is caused by stress.

B) Ellen Langer et. al. did a study where a group of elderly men were placed in an isolated hotel that was set up to create the illusion that they were living in the culture they had experienced 20 years earlier (the music, magazines, decor, everything were from an earlier time period). The men were told to act as they did during this era.  Amazingly these men started to appear younger (decreased arthritis, improved posture, younger appearance, etc.). Langer also did a study that suggests that dressing age appropriately is aging because we are sending signals to our mind that we are getting older, and that this is a negative thing. Newsweek has an article on Langer here.

So there! If anyone objects to my jean mini skirt, I’ll tell them that I have science backing up my fashion choices!

2) As a means of excusing oneself from excessive societal demands.

Women are subject to constant (now internalized) demands to always look good. Even our armpits have to be beautiful. Check out the Colbert report on Dove Deodorant.

It’s fun to pamper oneself when it is optional, but exhausting and expensive when it’s required. The skin care regimens targeted towards older women are more complex and involve more products and time than those aimed at younger women too. So it is no surprise that many women are getting fed up. The “At our age . . .” excuse is a great way to get out of these requirements without bearing the brunt of societal disapproval. Unfortunately, this tactic requires the cooperation of other women in the same age group (nobody will buy this excuse if other women in the same age group look fantastic), which leads us to the next use.

3) As a rebuke to others for failing to realize that they’ve aged.

This is where things get ugly. This is where we get into degrading labels like ‘desperate,’ ‘trying too hard,’ or, my personal favorite “woman as meat” label, ‘mutton dressed up as lamb.’ French sociologist Pierre Bourdieu developed the concept of ‘symbolic violence’ to describe the ways we act to assert dominance and keep others in line. The degrading labels I just mentioned are great examples of this. Women over a certain age are blogging all over the place, trying to figure out how to dress age appropriately without making themselves invisible (e.g., Linda Grant,  Women at Forty,  Faking Good Breeding). This makes it clear just how real the social consequences are for women who fail to “behave.”

I propose that we only utter “At our age …” if it concludes with some kind of raised expectation. “At our age, we have the ability to enjoy fine wines.” “At our age, we have had the experience to get really good at sex.” “At our age, we’ve finally been around long enough to really know what we want and how to get it.” And so on.

Fashion Rebels

The show I most love to hate is “What Not To Wear.” I don’t hate every episode. The ones where some college graduate asks for help to transform her wardrobe into a more professional looking one, those are informative and enjoyable. The episodes I hate are the ones where women who have their own unique, if a little weird, sense of style are shamed and harassed into looking more mainstream.

One example is an episode titled, “Jezebel Jessie,” highlights of which can be found here.

Within the first 12 seconds we hear:

“In Dallas we found Jessie abusing rhinestones and shine trying to make herself look and feel young again.”

She’s then told that she looks desperate, and they have her model her clothes while they make fun of her.

Hmmm. I guess it’s ok to abuse Jessie, but not ok to abuse rhinestones. I’m just sayin’.

At the 30 second mark:

Clinton Kelly: “This dress is driving me crazy because I feel like I’ve seen it before and I can’t for the life of me think about where it is.”

Stacy London: “Yah, it’s like Dolly Parton and Stevie Nicks had a baby and they threw this up.”

Both Clinton and Stacy look pleased with themselves for their wit. I’m cringing at their cruelty. Also, I think the dress is rather neat, if for no other reason than that it is a personal expression of Jessie’s tastes. Yes, it does make her look a bit hippy, but that could be fixed while keeping her individual style.

At the 58 second mark:

Stacy: “Sexy has nothing to do with age. But appropriateness does.”

Clinton: “The thing is, you never want to appear as though you are competing with a 25 year old because the 25 year old always wins, every single time.”

I don’t know where to begin with this one. How about here:

Why, oh why do we interpret older women in revealing, or trendy, or unusual clothes as in a competition with 25 year olds? Jessie seemed like she was dressing to please herself!

This interpretation is definitely cultural, and not necessary. Spend some time in Puerto Rico and you’ll see women of all ages dressing in revealing little outfits when they go out dancing. My husband, who is South American, tells me that he loves seeing women of all ages in revealing outfits. And why not! (Another thing that I loved about Puerto Rico was that the men also dressed and moved in sexy ways! Yum! But I guess that’s not gender appropriate here in Canada. Gosh, we might think those men were gay!)

Back to Jessie.

Does she look better at the end of the clip? I don’t think so. Her pre-Stacy and Clinton wardrobe was full of unique, irreplaceable pieces that showed personality and verve. But she was abused, mocked and bribed with a shopping spree to give up her personal sense of style. The result: a middle class matron in “discrete” (minute 2:26) clothes. She became visually replaceable with other women her age. It reminds me of that feminist horror movie, “The Stepford Wives,” where women are transformed from distinct individuals into acceptable and interchangeable domestic goddesses.

Don’t get me wrong. I thought that Jessie’s “after” outfit was perfect for those times when you want to fit in and not call attention to yourself. Stacy and Clinton do a great job giving advice on picking flattering cuts, and that’s worth something. But it is still the most flattering version of a uniform. Sometimes a uniform is just the ticket. I myself often want to know how to dress that way, and wouldn’t turn down a shopping spree with Stacy and Clinton, but only if they wouldn’t make me throw out my favorite “weird” clothes.

Given that our conception of age appropriate dressing is not necessary, do we want to live in a world where women are censured with incredibly offensive labels like “mutton dressed up as lamb” when they deviate? Do we want it to be reasonable to find Susan Sarandon’s outfit at the recent Screen Actor’s Guild awards inappropriate or stunning? Either interpretation is possible, and we do have a say on what kind of culture we live in.

Making Time Behave

“I am definitely going to take a course on time management… just as soon as I can work it into my schedule.” – Louis E. Boone

“You must never find time for anything. If you want time you must make it.” – Charles Buxton

 

A couple of days ago I was whiling away the hours looking like I was working (I was at my computer, after all), and wishing I could retire early. Visions of get rich quick schemes danced in my head. Then a rather different idea occurred to me. It isn’t so much that I don’t want to work at all, but that I want to spend much less time working. Is there a way to do that in this day and age?

Many of you have jobs like mine. I could work at any time, from my home computer, my ipad on the go, or my phone. An important email could arrive at any time, day or night, and despite being virtual it could miraculously deliver a fire needing immediate extinguishment. Because I always could be working, I’m never fully doing anything else. The constant question of whether or not we are going to work now is one of our biggest social diseases. It steals our attention from our loved ones, our hobbies, our health (anyone else ever work through dinner or grab something in a box to keep working?) and our emotional well-being. The cost is high and, as far as I can tell, the output isn’t high enough to be worth the cost. I’m not convinced that I’m any more productive than when my workday had an end.

As luck would have it, one of my facebook friends (that I don’t know) status updated that she needed to get back to writing and would put in a few pomodoros. I found this update very confusing and immediately googled ‘pomodoro’ to see what might turn up. I found this very basic (and free!) time management technique here

Here are the key ideas:

1) Choose a task.

2) Set the timer for 25 minutes.

3) Do nothing but that task until the timer rings.

4) When the timer rings, stop and take a break. Do NOT keep working!

 

There are more details, but not many. And the method has worked like magic for me so far. Like all good magics, this time management method is extremely simple and powerful. I’m a complete enthusiast now. Here’s how it helped me:

1) It is truly remarkable just how much can be accomplished in 25 minutes if you are focused! I’ve even been squeezing in some pomodoros on that novel I’ve been meaning to write for decades. I’ve written over 30 (pretty good, I think) pages over the last couple of days.

2) The word ‘pomodoro’ can be used as code for “don’t interrupt me now.” I work a lot from home, so this is really important. But my husband knows that I won’t be holed up in my computer room forever, just 25 minutes at a time, which make it easier to wait for me to finish.

3) The break at the end of the pomodoro allows for a regrouping, which is often very valuable. We rarely give ourselves this opportunity.

4) When I’m not doing a pomodoro, I’m not working. Period. I’m not even wondering about whether or not I should work. I plan my work times at the start of each day and stick to it. I do allow for an evening pomodoro to check on the possibility of emergencies, but that’s it. They can’t have more of me than that (and any boss that doesn’t leave time for family and self should be fired!)

5) I also use the pomodoro technique to limit my time on some activities (e.g., surfing the net, revising my work past the point of diminishing returns). This is good because even though I can get sucked into the net, I would rather be doing other things with that extra time.

6) This technique has taught me about my time habits. For example, my house is usually a bit messy, and it turns out this is because after about 5 minutes of cleaning I get irritated and stop. This leaves me feeling like I’ve worked on the house but to no avail, which just makes me want to give up. But I can get a lot done in 25 minutes (forced by my new boss, the timer), and my house looks much nicer now. It is also a very effective tool to use on your husband too (just clean for 25 minutes dear)!

What tricks have you used to manage your time?

Up next: my experiences with a personal trainer.

My Midlife Renaissance

Trio Bembe, July 1, 2011. Photo by Jeff Presslaff

We just had a beautiful long weekend. The occasion: Canada Day. I went for my annual walk through the festivities in Osborne Village. Osborne Village is one of several sites in Winnipeg that hosts Canada Day festivals. As usual, it was jam-packed with vendors, people wearing various Oh Canada paraphernalia, shirtless tanned young men, jugglers, Chinese dragon performances and live bands at every block.

When I was in my teens and 20s, I found the crowds and explosion of sights, sounds, and smells very exciting. Especially the shirtless tanned young men! Now, at 47, I still appreciate the young men, but the event as a whole is both unexciting and even a little irritating. When I think about it, even looks from the sexy men don’t hold the same kind of excitement. When I was a teenager, an appreciative look from a man counted as an incident that my friends and I might giggle about for hours. Don’t get me wrong, I still enjoy those looks, but they don’t count as incidents so exciting that they need to be discussed at length.

So what’s changed?

I think this is the classic question that often prompts midlife crises. What I am facing is an awareness of this change coupled with heavy responsibilities at work. This is a typical situation (and one that leads to worry lines and a thickening waistline). Nonetheless, I have no desire to have a typical midlife crisis. I like my car just fine, there is no other job I’d rather have, and I absolutely adore my husband. Abandoning all this in an attempt to feel like a 20 year old seems silly, especially considering how nervous and neurotic I was at that time. I wouldn’t want to be 20 again, and I wouldn’t want to work that hard again to get to where I am today. But I do envy the young a few things: their skin, energy and excitement.  In a word, vitality.

We have plenty of role models who exude vitality throughout their lives (my mom, Sophia Loren), so losing vitality isn’t inevitable. What may be inevitable is to lose excitement about certain things. This isn’t always a bad thing. I’m certainly not upset that I’m not as enthralled by the peek-a-boo game as I was as an infant (though I think it would be hilariously entertaining if we still reacted to that game like infants — imagine interacting with your boss that way). But it is important to replace things that no longer excite with things that do.

The Beauty of a Midlife Crisis

A midlife crisis is a bit like puberty in that it can bring about large changes in one’s life. But unlike puberty, midlife crises occur at a time when we often have greater emotional, social and economic resources. It is a time when we can feel empowered to fine-tune our lives to make them a thing of beauty. A renaissance rather than a crisis.

The Problem

If you go to the library or search the internet, you’ll quickly find a ton of suggestions on how to have more energy and vitality. Implementing all of these suggestions at once simply isn’t possible, and they often contradict each other.

The Solution

I found Gretchen Rubin’s The Happiness Project very inspiring not just because of the principles she recommends but also because of the method she used. The idea is to pick a promising approach to try over some set period of time (say, a month), to determine its effectiveness. I plan to use her method to explore approaches to increasing vitality. Over the next while (however long it takes) I’ll be test-driving various methods of time management, stress relief, fitness and diet regimes, increasing creativity, and whatever else seems relevant to my quest for always increasing my joie de vivre. I’ll post reviews, tips and recipes, and I’d love it if you would join me with your own tests. My next post will be on the first round of methods under scrutiny.